I thought I could cheat it a little, today’s prompt, because Matt and I started watching the movie Sound of Metal about heavy metal drummer, Ruben, who suddenly loses his hearing. And in many early scenes of this movie, we watch action overlaid with silence as the reality of hearing loss settles over Ruben, and we feel it too, the settling silence–and I thought I might use this, the pockets of noiselessness. I thought they might bloom into something for me–some form of clarity.

Because I was forgetting that silence and clarity are not necessarily the same thing, even though I try to use silence to find some version of it–I shut off shows with dialogue when I’m trying to write because I have to deaden that input type in order to be in my words, in order to feel the language. If it’s too noisy I can’t get close to another part of myself.

I think what I thought might happen, was that as noise flattened into nothing, something else would be lifted up and made clear. I want to believe in tradeoffs, in an invisible system of valves that are manipulatable for the transition of pressure and power. That the absence of sound, for example, doesn’t really reduce so much as it redistributes, amplifies, lets me get closer to another part of myself because that part of myself is at the same time pushing toward me.

Today’s prompt: Take a few minutes to do some deep breathing relaxation techniques. Once your mind is clear, write about the first few things you think of.

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