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As imagined by my hilarious friend Jennifer.*

"No, Joseph, come on, you can father the next one! Come on...give me a smile. How 'bout a high five?"

“No, Joseph, come on, you can father the next one! Come on…give me a smile. How ’bout a high five?”

"My eggs are cage free natural born & harvested by full moonlight. Each egg comes w a certificate of authenticity."

“My eggs are cage free, natural born and harvested by full moonlight. Each egg comes with a certificate of authenticity.”

Is this not the most demented looking nativity figure you've ever seen? #panpiperwillmurderyouinyoursleep

Is this not the most demented looking nativity figure you’ve ever seen? #panpiperwillmurderyouinyoursleep

"All I'm saying, Melchior, is that I better get sainthood for this ish."

“All I’m saying, Melchior, is that I better get sainthood for this ish.”

"Sooo what are you doing later? My camel's right over there, seats two." "Gaspar, this is incredibly inappropriate."

“Sooo what are you doing later? My camel’s right over there, seats two.”
“Gaspar, this is incredibly inappropriate.”

*Just for fun, folks, no offense meant! I’m a card-carrying Christian, or I would be if they handed out cards.

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